Thinking of opening Pandora’s Box with an open relationship? Today I will be sharing my thoughts and experiences on open relationships. Hopefully my stories will help you to avoid some of the blunders I made with open relationships, as well as shed some light on this all too “taboo” subject.
We are all individuals. Therefore, not all relationships are going to develop in the same way. For me, it was two years ago I decided to attempt a relationship with my best friend. We had known each other for years and it just made sense that we would one day be together. Now, when we actually started dating, things made less sense. You see, I am someone who likes to be daring and adventurous. I absolutely hate monotony and predictability. Nevertheless; My friend, and boyfriend at the time, was every bit of practicality and somberness possibly imaginable. He was a good man, though. He always took care of business, gave me all the things I could think to ask for; never hesitated to show his love for me. I wanted to hold on to that. There is nothing like being the apple of someone’s eye; but at what cost?
For me the cost was monogamy, and I was willing to pay. So after about two months him and we began an attempt at this open relationship trend. We were living together at the time and he worked long days commuting back and forth for 3 hours every day. I was a student. I attended college but didn’t work. It was a new area and I was having a hard time making friends. I didn’t get out much. I mostly stayed at home cooked, cleaned, and tended to other day to day task. The apartment complex we were staying at had just about everything; gym, pool, yoga, Zumba, even breakfast some days. So, I had very little motivation to get out. Hence, when the concept of an open relationship arose I was all the way on board. It was completely liberating. I could do whatever and whoever I wanted; when I wanted, and still have someone to come home to. It gave me the best of both worlds; a man that loves me and another men who could do it better, plus it was guilt free! I was loving it; at first.
The problems didn’t begin to arise until it became obvious that I was taking advantage of this new clause in our relationship a great deal more than he was. Frankly, I don’t believe he even had sex with another woman. I encouraged him; we both made POF accounts. Being a woman on POF; my profile got hits before I could even put up a picture. Him on the other hand; he couldn’t get a reply no matter what he did or said. Jealousy began to rear its ugly head. Then the next problem arose; I was sexually satisfied with other men. So by the time he got home and wanted some ‘loving’ I had been there done that and that book was now closed for the night. Then there lied another issue; I began to lose interest. My extra-curricular activities took up most of my attention from that point on. I remember on the day of our anniversary I spent the whole day texting and taking private calls from one of my lovers. We couldn’t even get through a movie without me having to excuse myself to take a call. And if I am being completely honest; I didn’t even give him any play that night.
I realize at this point I’m starting to sound like a bad person. But no one is perfect and hindsight is always 20/20. Hear me out when I say; it wasn’t all just my fault why things went astray. The situation was becoming increasingly uncomfortable; I became more and more distant and distant. He continued to let it slide. I put less and less effort into our relationship. He didn’t say a word. I became so involved in my extra-curricular relationships that I was barely involved in my real one. It was like he didn’t even notice. Things stayed that way for about a year until I met this French international student who romanced me into wanting him and only him. I left my best friend completely heartbroken. I felt terrible for doing it but I couldn’t deal with only being halfway happy. I didn’t like the feeling being split between different men. It was beginning to have a negative effect on my self-esteem. I remember thinking to myself that all I am wanted for was sex and no one would ever take me seriously. It was very far from the truth. It was actually the complete opposite. You see, my boyfriend at the time was more than willing to ask for my hand in marriage while two of the men I had been involved with were begging me to come live with them. I choose to be with my new international lover who gave me two months of AMAZING sex and headaches. He didn’t care for me or about me and he stole my Nintendo 64. So all in all it’s safe to say that that was not my smartest decision in life. The right choice would have been neither because I was the problem. I wasn’t happy and I was trying to fill my sadness with whoever I felt pleased with at that moment. Ultimately, the open relationship didn’t work because it was imbalanced and one sided with the addition of there being no communication. Now that you see my mistakes with an open relationship I am going to give you a couple of pointers to help you avoid going through some of the same things.
If you are planning on stepping outside of the box with an open relationship you should:
- Be sure it is a mutual desire. Never start an open relationship if you or the other person is even a little apprehensive or uneasy about it.
- Set boundaries. Have rules and guidelines established with your partner before you bring anyone else into the picture.
- Always be sure to be safe. Use the proper protection for any extra-curricular activities
- Be honest. The worst thing you can do in an open format relationship is lie to your partner. It brings distrust and discomfort to the circumstance.
- At all times respect your partner.
- Do not allow other people’s opinions to dictate your relationship.
- Keep it discreet. Your relationship and relations are all your own.
- Always communicate. Communication is key in any relationship but even more for with an open relationship. Constantly keep your partner in the loop about what’s going on and how you are feeling.
- Be aware of your partner’s actions and words. If you are starting to see they may not be into or that they are having some adjustment issues; initiate a conversation. Sometimes it takes the other person to speak up first.
- Have fun. Open relationships are designed for freedom from society norms and sexual liberation. Take full advantage of it!
I hope this helps any of you who are planning on venturing into an open relationship. Remember that not everything is for everyone. So don’t feel discouraged if this isn’t for you. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to post them below. There are no judgements or put downs here at https://thesweettspott.wordpress.com/. Thanks for tuning into another segment of the LoveSpott Series.
The SweettSpott 